“If you had waited just one more day, your son could have died.”
This is what the doctor told Lisa Randolph.
Her son was born five weeks premature as a result of health complications.
All seemed well at first. Then one day she noticed he had blood in his stool. She called her pediatrician and she said it was probably blood due to nursing with a cracked nipple.
To Lisa that didn’t make sense, so she got a second opinion. The second doctor suggested a scan just in case.
What did the second doctor discover?
The boy had necrotizing enterocolitis.
A disease that can kill a premature baby.
The disease progresses rapidly. And the doctor informed her that had they waited even one more day, he could have died.
Lisa’s son stayed in the hospital for 14 days of life-saving treatment.
He is now a healthy teenager.
Lisa saved her son’s life by trusting her own instincts
Sometimes we are faced with situations with our clients in which we don’t know what to do.
In these situations trusting our training and our instincts is often a great way to serve our clients.
Recently, I was faced with a client whom I was not sure how to help
Before we worked together, she told me she had an issue with panic.
This is something that I believed I could help her with. I’ve had clients with anxiety issues and I was informed about treatments for panic.
However, it turned out that the issue was a bit more complicated.
Panic typically starts with a person being anxious about a situation, then being anxious about their anxiety which then spirals out of control.
Her issue was a bit different
She had a hard time swallowing food and would panic when it got stuck in her throat.
She worried that she would choke to death and die.
Finally, she would then spit up the food.
Since this was happening, she’d lost a lot of weight and could only consume soft foods like ice cream and eggs.
When I got these details from her, I had doubts about whether I could help her
However, I decided that I would face the challenge and I trusted three principles that allow me to work with most clients … even those whose situations I’m not sure I can help with at first.
The steps are …
- Begin with the end in mind
- Get the client to map the issue on to the Matrix
- Give the prescription
Let’s begin with the first principle …
- Begin with the end in mind
In the past, I would draw the Matrix for the client, we would discuss it and add more material to it throughout the session.
I would often have as homework that they record toward and away moves and most did this.
But I noticed that my clients typically would not draw a Matrix on their own outside of the session.
At some point, I decided that a major goal for my clients was to have them draw the Matrix regularly
As a result, I changed how I conducted my work to make it more likely that they would use the Matrix daily.
Once I get a client to describe their problem to me, I have them draw the Matrix, write the questions and answer them.
This gets the client into the habit of drawing the Matrix on their own.
As they fill out the Matrix, I reinforce their behavior with words of praise such as “good noticing.”
- Get the client to map the issue on to the Matrix
Now that I’ve introduced my client to the Matrix, I have her get out a new sheet of paper and draw the Matrix again.
This time we map her issue on to the Matrix.
So I say “Now I’d like to see how your issue maps on to the Matrix. The situation goes at the top where 5 sense experience is. How would you fill out the other sections?”
My client with the swallowing issue decided to fill out the bottom left first
I feel anxious. I have thoughts that I’ll choke to death and die.
“What away moves do you notice?”
I spit out the food. I also sometimes force the food down with water.
“Who or what is important in this situation?”
She said “Me” at first but with more questioning, she decided that her health and well-being were also important to her mother and sister as well.
“What do you do or could do to move toward who is important to you?”
She said she didn’t see any toward moves
So we left the upper right corner blank for a bit.
As we continued to talk she mentioned one toward move she had taken which was to eat food and swallow it even though she felt anxious about it.
- Give the prescription
Once she had mapped out her issue on to the Matrix, I then gave her homework. To draw the Matrix once a day or more but on anything she wished.
She agreed to do this.
Why do I give this assignment?
I do it because I’ve found few exercises more valuable than drawing the Matrix on a regular basis.
Clients that get into this habit tend to experience a lot of change rather quickly.
Of course, we know that not all clients will do any assignment we give them.
So it’s good to mention that whether they do the homework or not, it will be an opportunity to learn that we can then map on to the Matrix.
That way learning happens no matter what
And I always want a client to show up no matter how much or how little homework they’ve done.
So what happened to her?
A few days later, I followed up with her to find out how she was doing
I asked about an unrelated situation with another family member to see what she might share on her own.
She answered my question about that family member then she told me
“I’ve been doing that exercise every day and I’m feeling better.
I ate a hamburger and half a salad with no problems.”
I congratulated her and she said thanks.
This was just a few days ago, so we’ll need to see how things turn out in the long-term
But one thing I’ve learned about any treatment is that early successes are essential in building long-term commitment and in producing lasting changes.
So my doubts about whether the Matrix could help with this case were vaporized.
And I could see once again how important it is to trust the tools at your disposal as well as your client’s ability to learn
When Lisa faced the decision of what to do about her son, she could either trust the first doctor or trust her instincts. She trusted her instincts, got a second opinion and saved her son’s life.
Although the situations we face with our clients are typically far less daunting, we can still feel at a loss for what to do at times. It’s fantastic to know that we can put our trust in flexible tools such as the Matrix to help our clients make progress even when we have doubts.
